I hope you've all been enjoying the last couple of issues with our guests. Thanks again to both M.B. Timothy talking about his new book Batormorphosis and to Corey for his guided masturbation. I hope you can learn from their practices new ways to get more from your bates. I've also been loving the chats we have going on the Man Tools Members Chat on Telegram. Its great to see so many different men sharing themselves and their bates. 

As you know I also run the Bate Support Program which is another way men can talk about their bate practices in a safe environment. This program really centres around talking about what you are doing and then exploring new ways. So it is great if you are feeling negative thoughts about your practice or feeling a little bit bored in your routine. I am happy to offer anyone a free initial chat if you have been thinking about joining (just reply to this email).

Now onto todays topic which is bating and relationships. 

Today I am going to talk a little bit about being a bator and having a partner. I think there is some misconception that if you are a true bator that you never have sex or are intimate with your partner, or that you don't share that part with them. So I want to talk about my own experience as a gay married man. 

Firstly I think it is important to mention that I grew up in a very conservative family. My parents were both Evangelical Christians and so I was bought up in the church. When I finally realised I was gay and came out at 17 I had already internalised a lot of hatred and anger at being gay. Fast forward to when I was 21 and I met the person who would now be my husband (20 years this year) and again I had very heteronormative ideas around sex and sexuality which meant that I was not as open to exploring other possibilities outside of a monogamous relationship.

So with all that in mind, when I first starting exploring myself as a bator I think I felt I needed to hide this from my husband. I think I felt that this was not what your were supposed to do when you had a partner. Obviously I have since realised that being a bator is as much a valid sexual expression as any other. But I have still struggled with expressing that and sharing it with my husband. I still try and keep him away from it and not share it with him. Which is an entirely unhealthy way to deal with a relationship and feelings.

So which brings me to todays discussion, how can we as bators share this part of ourselves with our partners. How can we take what is in most cases a solo act and include them in it?
 
1. I think the first step is talk to them about what you are doing, how you are doing it, who you are doing it with. Have discussions about how often you masturbate. Describe how it makes you feel. Just be as open and honest about it as you can. Invite them to ask questions about what you do and encourage them to be honest and open with their own masturbation practices.

2. The second step is to include them into it occasionally. It can be as simple as masturbating in front of them or even masturbating with them. It can be telling them that you are about to go and masturbate. It can be showing them your hard cock. Whatever it is I think as bators there are ways in which we can include others in our practice and if we are partnered it should be them first.

In my own experience that thing that can cause issues is not the act itself. It is the secrecy. If you partner feels you are doing things behind their backs then they will not trust you and without trust you don't have a healthy relationship. So if you are in a relationship I want you to talk to them about it today. Don't wait until they bring it up or something goes wrong. Talk openly, as honestly and as often as you can. 

If this has raised any issues with you and you need someone to talk to about your bate and having a partner please reach out to me and we can talk through it (just send me a message). As someone who is married and a bator I have experiences in navigating this topic. You can also sign up to the Bate Support Program and we can work through this as well as other issues which may arise.  

Don't forget that the best way to support this newsletter is to sign up to the VIP Club. You will get the newsletter before everyone else and be receiving regular members only issues. It will also make you sexier (results may vary). You can also check out past issues of the newsletter or some bate material on my website mantools.xyz. 

Also I am going to be attending an alternative to Valentine's Day, Self-Love Day with a circle of men! Hosted by Anthony Ragonese (Also follow him on Instagram and/or Twitter), a masturbation mentor, who will guide the group through a sacred masturbation ritual, including breathing techniques, warm-up exercises, visualization, affirmations, solo sex magic, and more. It costs $8 to attend and will be held online on Sunday Feb 12th 6PM (EST). There's limited places so sign up today. 

Till next time Bators
Ben