I am a bit late this week with the newsletter as I have needed some extra time to think and sit with this weeks topic. I have been wanting to write about it for a little while but wanted some extra time to really get to the bottom of what I wanted to say. 

Outside of the newsletter I have been thoroughly enjoying spending every week doing a live 2 hour chat with my good buddy Nick who runs the BatorBro Parties in London. During the space we give time for others to come and talk about their bator journeys and what being a bator means to them! So if that sounds like something you want to listen to you can listen to this weeks episode here. Or if you want to join in live at 9:30pm (GMT) on Wednesdays. 

The other thing I have been very busy working on is the first Jack Off Club event in Sydney. If you live in Australia and want to come then please head over to the JackALL Club website for further details! The first event is on Sunday 16th July at Trade Club Sydney. So please come along!

Todays topic is a bit of personal rant. It is centred on some of the notions that we have around men's sexual health, mainly erectile disfunction and premature ejaculation. 

For those who have followed me for a while probably know, I used to believe that I suffered from premature ejaculation. I would find it very hard to not cum quickly and had many instances where during sexual activities I would cum before I was ready. This lead to me thinking and believing that I suffered from PE. On the other side of this discussion are those men who believe that they have trouble maintaining an erection. These men fear losing their erections and not being able to have sex because of that.

But what if I said that both of those situations, cuming too quickly and losing an erection, are both natural. In any given sexual situation you can expect to feel ready to cum before what you think is the end of the session. Likewise during the session your penis may be both hard and soft at different times.

What happens though for individuals is that these situations happen a couple of times and they start thinking the problem is them. That they are dysfunctional because they are not meeting some idealised version of themselves and that this version of themselves is not performing sexually the way they should. This is then when men start looking for ways to improve their sexual performance.

For me I started looking for ways in which to increase my ability to not cum. One of the ways I thought I could increase the length of time before I came was to do kegel exercises. I found forums and apps that all showed me how I could increase my sexual fitness by performing a series of exercises. But all this did is increase my anxiety about my sexual performance rather than allow me to improve it.

Eventually what I discovered is that I was not in fact a sufferer of PE. Once I stop internalising that definition of myself I was able to see that I could in fact have very long sessions without cumming. That I could also have sexual activities with others and also not cum too quickly. In fact what I learned is that sometimes it's ok to cum quickly and that sometimes it's ok to take longer. 

Likewise if you are a person who believes they suffer from erectile dysfunction then I am here to tell you that it is normal. During any particular time or event it is ok if you go soft. In fact during my own sessions with my bate buddies I routinely will go hard and soft at different times during them. All very normal and to be expected.

So if you are a person who believes they suffer from either Erectile Dysfunction or Premature Ejaculation then I am here to tell you that we are all unique in the ways in which our penises and bodies work. Some of us naturally can cum quickly. Some of us naturally don't have very hard penises. None of that is in need of repair. Enjoy your body the way it is. 

If this has raised any concerns with yourself, then please join the Bate Support Program. I help many different guys in many different situations to explore their sexual experiences in a safe and non judgmental space. 

Don't forget also to come and join the conversation on either Telegram or Mastodon! I love meeting new bators!

Till next time Bators
Ben