As we head into the second week of Masturbation May I am reminded of how many guys still don't know the real joys of self pleasure. In my discussions with my husband and my friend the other day I realised that both of them saw masturbation as something they do quickly. So what I want to encourage all the readers to do this week is to have that conversation with one of your male friends and see how they view masturbation. Do they also view it as a functional activity or something that they can enjoy?

I also want to remind people to come and join both the Man Tools Members Chat and the Mastobate - Mastodon server. Both these places are great to share your bate, and meet some fellow bators. Having a community of people who all enjoy the same thing as you is very important.

Probably the number one question that I receive through the various Man Tools Channels is how do I find a Bate Buddy. What this says to me is that many in the Bate Community, including myself, are really looking for connection. Both in a spiritual and social capacity.

Why is it that people in the bate community or people who identify as bators have a desire or need for connection? What brings us together in this way?

In my own experience, while I have always enjoyed and spent many hours bating, it wasn't until later in life that I truly identified myself as a solosexual (or someone who gets their primary satisfaction from masturbation). I think once I had got older and I was more in tune with myself I could see how much pleasure I could give myself.

I also believe that identifying as a bator is partly about looking for a spiritual connection. That is, we are looking for a way to give meaning to our lives and ourselves that is maybe missing or not something we have found. Much of bate culture is tied up in and explored within Eastern philosophies such as tantra and phallicism. This link is not accidental and shows a desire to connect oneself and your bate to a higher purpose and higher need of self actualisation.

But all that aside, how do we find and connect with each other. One of the reasons I created Man Tools was to help people find each other. For me connecting people is part of the work I do! That is why I continually encourage readers to come and join the community pages.

The other way in which we can connect with each other is through dating platforms. Now I know that these are not without their problems and in some cases they are not conducive to finding people. But they have forever changed the ways in which we seek and make human connections. Before the internet in order to meet people you either needed to connect through people or you went to social events in which other people were looking for connections. Now we have the ability to connect with different people in different contexts all without needing to physically be anywhere. Obviously the drawback to this is that by removing the physical connection we can sometime lose the nuances of human interactions.

That being said we have Bateworld which is a wonderful resource of not only bate culture but also people who identify as bators. Again I know it is not perfect but it is an easy way of identifying someone who has similar interests to yourself. I have met most of my good bate buddies through it.

You can also use any of a number of other gay dating apps or sites to also find local bators. By looking for 'sides' on Grindr, Scruff or any of the other ones you can usually find someone who is looking for the same as you. I have also found a couple of people into bating on Sniffies which is a location based web app that while clunky has a good concept.

I also want to acknowledge that some of the issues with finding other bators is directly linked to where you are located. I am privileged that I live in a large city with a large population of bators. This means I have a large pool to choose from. If you live in a smaller town or city you may find it much harder to find someone who's interests align with you. 

Lastly I also want to remind you that dating and finding connections is largely a numbers game. So the more you put yourself out there and try and make connections the more successful you will be. If you find one technique or site is not working you can try another. Or can also try non traditional ways of meeting people, such as instagram (I have made lots of good connections through this) or even snapchat!

To round out this conversation  I want to return to my original premise. That is as bators we are all looking for connection. When I started Man Tools I was definitely looking for connection. Over the last couple of years I have changed as a person as I have looked for and found new connections. It is never too late to find more people to connect with on a personal and spiritual level! Never give up on finding the person you can connect with!

I hope you enjoyed this fortnights topic! If you have any feedback or ideas that would help other guys make connections I am always looking for them. Especially if you are from a small town or city. 

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That's it for another issue. Till next time Bators
Ben